Still on the idea of drawing myself as an anime character. I decided to try to draw myself as Pain from Naruto - one of my favourite anime villains. And that’s when things started to become introspective.

I ended up looking more into his philosophy: "Those who do not understand true pain can never understand true peace" and his commentary on the cycle of hatred - his idea that those who seek out revenge after pain, only inflicted pain which begets more people seeking vengeance, and so forth.

At the time, we witnessed tragedies plaguing the world, in some African countries specifically (October 2020) and I began to think about my place in the cycle of hatred and my appreciation for my peace like what Pain spoke about.

In my bubble of privilege and comfort, I began to feel unworthy of my peace. I’ve not worked and survived through a time of unrest and chaos. My support for troubled people would never be as weighted as someone who’d felt the pain of going through similar experiences.

I can only conclude that I must be grateful of my place in the world.

But as grateful and content as I am, I cannot begin to displace the heaviness I feel, drawn from my the gaze into a suffering world.