I began working on this piece quite a while after completing the last - Pain. Things had taken a dysfunctional turn in my psyche and I found myself - struggling to just be without contending with my sense of self. I needed time to understand what I was going through before creating the final part of this series. It felt as though it was going to be impactful on what I created. And that was true. I scrapped the idea of drawing myself as an anime character and came out with this more interpretive illustration of what I learned in that period.
I as the Michael I know and live comfortably with found myself displaced from my vessel. In my place another…me. A nihilistic and turmoiled being convinced that I was a figment of his imagination. He hated who I was, my personality and display of personhood. This wasn’t the first time I’d dissociated like this. But this time it felt so weighty and I knew I was not returning to my vessel to live as I did before.
As much as he resented me, I think I can understand why and I have to respect him and his thoughts on my person. Neither of us are invalid in our ideologies, and we’re actually quite similar actually. I claim no ownership of this vessel. I hope I can understand whoever comes after him if they come. I hope I know how to meld them into who I am as a whole.
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