20th November 2019

One of my unhappiest weeks in that year. One of my friendships had disintegrated and I was desperately hurting with my chest imploding over and over again. Hell and back more times than I think I deserved.

On my way out of this period, I understood that the cause of so much of the pain I found myself in was my own doing. Drowning in my own thoughts, I’d allow myself to think of so many things that brought nothing but more pain to myself. Occasionally, the hyperphantasia kicks in, and I live vivid scenes in my mind, sometimes I’m living the living the happiest moments of my life, but other times like this, I’m lying on my bed, heart palpitating tormented by the images I’ve managed to conjure up in my head.

But I am aware, I am aware that I overthink and over imagine myself into places not so pleasant. I just haven’t managed to be able to hold captive; my thoughts when I need to the most.

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